I felt like I was going to throw up.
My husband and I were sitting at lunch this past week. We were grabbing a bite to eat before heading to the closing of our new house. This is the meeting with lawyers in which you the papers and get the keys to your new home.
As we were eating, I began to think about all of the things that could go wrong.
It went like this:
What if we decide that we hate the house?
What if our neighbors are mean, rude idiots?
What if the hot water heater breaks and costs a fortune to replace?
You get the picture.
Part of me was consumed with what ifs.
Within seconds, I felt as if I was going to throw up. My nervous system was activated.
photo by Maureen Clancy, 2015
Because my brain stores memories according to feeling (yours does, too), I suddenly became flooded with memories around the same feeling:
Each time I moved to a new crappy apartment in my 20s … about 12 of them.
When I decided to go back for a master's degree in Clinical Social Work in my late 30s.
When I got my therapy dog, Ria, four years ago. I was thrilled to have her, but I felt like I had a new baby that I had no idea how to care for.
The feeling was a crappy mix of fear, overwhelm, and lack of control. Each time, I was in a Gate Passage — a time of big change in my life, traveling from the familiar to the unknown.
I've learned effective tools over the years to help me pass through these gates. Once I realized what was happening at lunch, I got to work using them.
First, I put my hands on my heart and belly, and I thanked my body for letting me know how it felt.
Then, I told myself to trust the Universe as I traveled through this transition. I reminded myself of all the transitions that I had gone through before and did fine.
I reached into my handbag and took a drop of the flower essence blend that I mixed for myself for this transition time.
I finished lunch, and I held my husband's hand as we walked around our new town before heading to the lawyer’s office. Walking always gives me an immediate sense of grounding to the Earth. Holding hands with my husband helped me lean on him for support.
We all must go through these gates of transition ... from the known to the unknown.
Tell me -- what helps you?