Deep share of getting off of anti-depressants, part 4

Here’s the last …

in my series this year of deep shares about getting off of anti-depressants. 

Like I said in my last newsletter, there’s no predictable way to get off of them without body, feeling, thought, and energetic issues — which can range from hardly noticeable to flat-out crippling. 

The pharmaceutical industry makes an enormous profit on anti-depressants. According to a New York Times article published in April 2019 that cited a National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, some 35 million adults took antidepressants in 2013 and 2014.

Do the math, and you can see just how profitable.

But that's not what I'm most concerned about, although it's definitely high up there on my list.

What I’m concerned about is that this industry and the doctors who prescribe anti-depressants really have no clue what people are up against when they try to discontinue them.

My own doctor, a kind-hearted man who I respect, had no idea either. He warned me about some of the physical symptoms I could experience— fatigue, electric eye zaps, dizziness, nausea -- but mentioned zilch about the emotional hurdles that I’d face.

I can't blame him. There's nothing in the official literature or clinical research about it.

But here’s the thing: 

When you go on anti-depressants,
it puts some parts of you to sleep.

When you go off of anti-depressants, these parts wake up.

 

When I talk about parts, I am talking about the parts of that are inside all of us.

Take this example: You have a difficult decision to make. Part of you wants to go for it and part of you doesn’t. These are the parts I'm talking about.

Some parts hold onto experiences that are painful and hard to deal with. Some parts protect other more vulnerable parts with things like anger. Some parts are so scared that they cannot speak.

Two major parts that often wake up after getting off of anti-depressants are: 

The Depressed Part
This part is usually front and center when anti-depressants are prescribed. It can be a silent or pretty darned loud. I’ve come to see this depressed part as one that is holding pain and confusion — of past experiences that were too much and an awakening to why we humans are on the Planet and that we are not our bodies or here to spend money.

The Panic Part
This part can be frightening in its intensity. If it’s not full-blown panic, it may be anxiety. It can be in charge of all kinds of physical symptoms, such as nausea, shortness or breath, muscle tension. It can sit right on top of you for days and make you feel completely ungrounded and disoriented.

Other parts that can wake up are: parts that hold grief, parts that hold sadness, parts that don't want to be on the planet, and parts that have zero tolerance for frustration. 

Additionally, if you are sensitive like me, the sensitive part will also undergo a change. Without the dampening effect of the medication, you’ll be attuned to the slightest fluctuation of emotions within you and in the people around you.
 

The parts that wake up want to know what’s happening and where you’ve been.

They may think that you are younger than you are. They may not be aware that you took the medication in the first place or that you stopped. 
 

Here are some of the things that helped me:
 

Getting into the right kind of therapy.

In the past 2.5 years, I tried 2 therapists before finding the right one. The first one did EMDR, which I’m certified in, and it helped somewhat. The other did energy work in addition to talk therapy, which also helped somewhat. After a short time, however, my panic part came back stronger than ever. So I began to suspect that it was a part like I mentioned above that wasn’t getting help with the past two therapists. The third therapist is certified in Internal Family Systems. Working with her helped me help the panic part and all of the other parts that woke up. More than that, I have a place where I can be a mess. She holds this space for me, and I’m so grateful.

Exercise.
I joined my local YMCA and go pretty much every day. I run. I lift weights. I stretch. This does not cure all, and I’ve bawled my eyes out on the treadmill many times. But I feel strong and clear in my body and my energy field after I go.

Asking for help.
Good fucking lord, this is hard for me. It’s so ironic. I’m in the helping profession, but being on the other side is rough. This is such a vulnerable place for me, but I’ve become much better at reaching out to others to say, “I’m in trouble here. I need help.” I don’t know what I would have done if I couldn’t call my brother when I was having a hard time. He always picked up and helped me through the absolute terror of my feelings.

Doing something about it.
I believe that being parked on anti-depressants for so long made it very easy to just sit back and avoid changing the things that I didn’t like in my life. I let important friendships go. I kept doing things in my business that made me miserable, like being a landlady to other therapists/healers in my suite of offices. I tried to silence the ache in my heart to move closer to family. Now, with the full-on intensity of my emotions helping me, I see that I have power to change these things, and I do.
 

Flower essences.
Being a super sensitive person, I took an immediate shine to flower essences more than 20 years ago. They’re gentle, all natural, and effective. I buy them from other flower essence makers like Bach and Green Hope Farms, but I also make them. I made myself a new blend every week for the first year and took it about 6 times per day.

If you've made it down to this sentence, I thank you for being on this journey together.

If you've been struggling to get off of medications or find your footing now that you're off, feel free to reach out to me for support. 

If this is someone you love, please share this with them. There’s not much information about there, and every little bit can ease the turmoil.