I felt as if I was going to throw up ...

My husband and I were sitting at lunch this past Wednesday. We were grabbing a bite to eat before heading to the closing of our new house. This is the meeting with lawyers where you sign all kinds of papers and get the keys to your new home. 

As we were eating, I began to think about all of the things that could go wrong. It went like this: 

What if we decide that we hate the house?
 What if our neighbors are mean, rude idiots?
What if the hot water heater breaks and costs a fortune to replace?


You get the picture. 

Then I noticed that within seconds I felt as if I was going to throw up. 

Then I said: Oh yes! Hello familiar feeling! I know you. 

Because my brain stores memories according to feeling (yours probably does too), I suddenly became flooded with memories around the same feeling: 

  • Each time I moved to a new apartment in my 20s (I moved once a year ... from one crappy place to the next).
  • When I decided to go back for a master's degree in Clinical Social Work in my late 30s.
  • When I got my therapy dog, Ria, four years ago. (I was thrilled to have her in my life and to have her working in my therapy practice, but I felt like I had a new baby that I knew nothing about how to care for).
Graveyard Gate, Nosara, Costa Rica, 2014. Photo by Maureen Clancy

Graveyard Gate, Nosara, Costa Rica, 2014. Photo by Maureen Clancy

The feeling was a sweet mix of fear, overwhelm and lack of control. Each time, I was passing through the gate of a big transition in my life. Each time, I was traveling from the familiar to the unknown. 

I've learned some excellent tools over the years to help as I pass through these gates. Once I realized what was happening at lunch, I got to work using them. 

First, I put my hands on my heart and belly, and I thanked my body for letting me know how it felt.

Then, I told myself to trust the Universe as I traveled through this transition. I reminded myself of all the transitions that I had gone through before and did fine. 

I reached into my handbag and took a drop of the flower essence blend that I mixed for myself for this transition time. 

Finally, I finished lunch, and I held my husband's hand as we walked around our new town for a half hour. Walking always gives me an immediate sense of grounding to the Earth. Holding hands with my husband helped me lean on him for support (I'm not always so great at asking for his help). 

We all must go through these gates of transition ... from the known to the unknown.

Tell me -- what helps you?